a void(ed)

Called at 9am - Left message
Called at 1pm - Left message
Called at 3pm - Left Message
Called at 6pm - Left message
Called at 8pm - Left message

Still no answer...Remember she's sick Tori, Remember she's sick. ( But we used to talk everyday, we used to visit every week and now nothing).

I called her all day, she won't pick up, she won't return my calls, she won't even tell me to fuck off and it hurts.

I'm her oldest Granddaughter and I hurt easily, but this time its different, this time we haven't seen each other in over a month and only talked a few times. She's sick and this time she may not get better. I saw her on the 16Th of May, she came over to keep me company, but something was wrong I knew it, she will usually scan the kitchen for snacks and can't wait till I offer her some of my cooking , but she never asked in fact she refused when I offered. She didn't talk much , she just slipped away and fell asleep in the boys bed and I let her rest knowing in mind grown up mind that my grandma was ill and wondering what was making her sick.

The calls slowed and the once frequent requests to visit were no more. I used to be able to get her to pick up if I mentioned food, " Grandma, I made beans" and she would respond " oh, yummy save me some for the next time I'm over" but there hasn't been a next time.

I haven't really cried since I haven't seen her to know how bad she is , but today I started to cry , knowing that I may never get to see her again to know just how bad she really is.

My Aunt tells me earlier " She's grumpy and she says its only gonna get worse". it s OK I can handle a grumpy granny as long as I still have her around I will take her any ways she presents herself.

She's sick , and refuses to see a doctor so I Google her symptoms: Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I'm speechless, shes sick and we will lose her if she fails to see a Doctor soon. But she is strong in her ways and refuses to go , shes a country girl and they don't rely on doctors to diagnose and cure them , they rely on God and prayer.

So I will pray, but in my heart I know she's sick and not getting better.